The holidays are here and it’s a time when so many women are dealing with the blues, depression, feeling down and out because they’re lonely during the holidays. It’s a hard situation to deal with. I’ve personally dealt with it and it’s not fun.
Then there are those women who are in relationships and they feel kind of secure, kind of comfortable. But at the end of the day, it is a toxic relationship.
Why?
Because their significant other treats them like the scum you find on the bottom of your shoe.
Sounds harsh and maybe even drastic, but so many women, are living this reality.
Toxic Relationships Ruin a Happy Season
The stress of the holiday, the pressure to meet certain obligations, to get gifts, and to appear a certain way affects behavior. The significant other may be dealing with their own triggers and depression because of childhood or past relationship issues. It all just escalates during the holiday season.
Emotions are running high because this is supposed to be a happy, joyous time of year. But if the family dynamic or the relationship dynamic is stressful, then stress levels are magnified 10x more during the holiday season.
How to Deal with Toxic Relationships During the Holidays
So how do you deal with it? Is this the right time to jump out of a relationship to get away from that toxic person?
The answer is, yes, and no. The right answer for you depends on your coping skills and what you want your long-term situation to be.
If you’re dealing with a toxic relationship right now you can get help. If it’s domestic violence call 911 right now. Get help, talk to friends, talk to family, find a way to get away so that you can preserve yourself and possibly your life.
If this is a relationship where you’re feeling neglected, you’re not getting the attention you deserve; you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re giving more in the relationship than you’re getting 100% of the time, and/or you are being treated poorly, then you have choices to make.
If verbal abuse, mind games, and crazy-making behavior are what you deal with every day you should seriously consider leaving the relationship. If you are confused about his behavior, if you don’t know where you stand with him, or he has ghosted you, now is a good time to release the relationship and begin the recovery process.
You can decide to not spend the holiday with your significant other or you can grin and bear it and wait it out until the end of the holiday season.
Now is the time to make a plan. Now is the time to really think about what you want to do and how you want your life to look going forward.
The Birth of a Toxic Relationship
Being in a toxic relationship is not ideal. No one should ever really have to go through that. But sometimes we make the choice to be with a toxic person because we are lonely, because we don’t want to be by ourselves for the holiday season or because we don’t want to be by ourselves ever in life.
What a Non-Toxic Relationship Looks Like
We need someone to help fill a void. But to be honest with you, relationships are not about filling a void. It’s about being happy, healthy and whole as an individual and bringing that happiness and wholeness into a relationship with someone else who’s also happy, healthy and whole.
Beginning and Continuing the Toxic Relationship Cycle
So why do relationships turn toxic? It is because we accept the bare minimum in order to be inside of a relationship or because we don’t have the self-esteem to ask for more or to behave in a way where you pretty much command more?
During this holiday season, I hope you find it in your heart to evaluate where you are, whether you want to stay in this relationship, and how you’re going to act moving forward.
It is totally up to you. You have all the power to change your situation and to become your happiest healthiest whole-est itself.
If you want help making a decision about your current relationship, check out the relationship coaching book, No More Crumbs: How to Stop Dating (and Mating) for Crumbs and Get the Cake You Deserve in 10 Crucial Steps. This book will help you reject, release and recover from a toxic relationship.
Download the ebook at NoMoreCrumbsDating.com/book.
Samantha Gregory is your toxic relationship recovery coach. She helps women reject, release, and recover from toxic relationships and rediscover her happy, healthy self that has been buried underneath the relationship rubble.
Connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube for more relationship recovery posts and videos.
